It’s a wonder to me that after all these years I still waste time second guessing how much of my life-force I direct at riding bikes. Back when I was a pro I managed to wrestle this thought line into submission but now that I’m just a normal person with a cycling hobby the self questioning occasionally returns. 

In my pro days the internal wrestling match was over what I could do for the world vs the seemingly selfish act of focusing myself on riding. You know, I felt like I was able to accomplish anything on my bike, why didn’t I apply that power towards making the world a better place? Why not solve homelessness or help people instead of spending my days hopping around off dirt humps. In the end, and after much mental anguish, I came to the conclusion that everything inside me was telling me to ride bikes. All the intuition I had and the small amount of spiritual signs my brain could pick up were clear that bikes were my path. I eventually relented and followed on faith. 

After my back surgery I couldn’t ride for a long time. Now 13 years post-surgery I can ride again. Not like I used to but the drive to ride and progress (or to just ride with a smile and not progress) is back in full force. And I can hit jumps (at least mellow MTB style jumps). Flying on a bike will apparently always make me happy. The last month and half here in Whistler I have put in multiple 7+ hour days of riding and I still want to ride more. And the question ringing in my ears is why now? I’m not pushing the limits anymore, in fact I’m mostly riding within the confines of my self-imposed limitations (75-85% of maximum). What good can I be doing for the world as an old man so selfishly indulging my own calling? 

I haven’t entirely resolved this yet. I’m taking this trip to wander and wonder my way around the world. I specifically mean the next few months of traveling but maybe that last sentence could be applied to an entire life – I’m on this trip to wander and wonder. I will trust, despite the arguments coming from my analytical mind, that things will be clear to me after some time. Importantly my gut feeling is still the same as it always has been from my earliest memories… riding bikes is my path.